Crack
by Raven-2010
Summary: What happens in a restaurant when someone puts something in Kagome's food and she finds out? It's shocking. What could shock a sick humored hanyou? Something you won't believe. A grisly discovery leads to the strangest twist of all. As a joke Jaken gets Kagome drunk, what will happen? he'll soon find out. A new family member a cute Akita pup Inuyasha's nemesis must go but how?


**Disclaimer I don't own Inuyasha Rumiko Takahashi does. Rated R raw language & situations, lemons, OOC, my 1st crack fic**

1 **The Kimono Dragon Surprise** , What happens in a restaurant when someone puts something in Kagome's food and she finds out? It's shocking. 2 **The Closet** , What can shock a sick humored hanyou? Something you won't believe. 3 **Poor Mister Watanabe** , A grisly discovery leads to the strangest twist of all. 4 **Mikos** **and Demon Catnip Sake** , As a joke smartass Jaken gets Kagome drunk, what will happen next? He'll soon find. 5 **Puppy Bites** , The new edition to the Taisho home an adorable light silver grey with ocean blue eyes Akita puppy and Inuyasha's worse nightmare the little fur ball must go easier said than done. **A/N** I **'** m sorry I've been MIA I had legal s**t from last year to now to deal with so I was in mental lock down, this is the 1st new 1 I've done in a while, the crack fic people asked for, love u all. One shot's. Lemons, . **Sessh/Kag**

 **Crack**

 **By Raven-2010, July 6 2015**

 **1**

 **The Kimono Dragon surprise**

A trip to a restaurant would turn out to be a day that Inuyasha would never forget in all his life and the centuries to come because he was about to see something he'd never even harbor a thought of even his wildest fantasies could never rival it. But our favorite hanyou would not be the only one for this was going to be a truly WTF day that would go down in history. Yep and we all know if something could shock notorious pervert Miroku well then it was big

Friday 4: pm

"Yo wench ya ready? Or do I have to make an appointment? Inuyasha's voice carried back to Kagome's bedroom where she was getting dressed for their outing to a restaurant where they would be meeting up with friends

"Yeah keep your g string on straight girls cannot comb and go like you men you know we have to fix our hair and stuff,"

"Pft whatever, you could always get a sex change then you can be one of the boys and comb and go to," he was above all else a smartass, ring, ring "I'll get it," he went to go answer the door "Well will you look at that got your nylons on straight and everything,"

"What forgot to whack off this morning after breakfast" please for the love of all that is holy tell me that you washed your cum contaminated hand? The visitor shot back

"Girls your all nuts," Inuyasha replied

"Stow it bumpy stumpy,"

"Well five minutes around you oops my bad I mean five seconds can drive a girl to mindless insanity," Kagome jabbed the visitor laughed while Inuyasha scowled

Kagome came out "Gulp" broke the silence "Ka-go-me" Inuyasha slightly stammered "Is that really?

"Miko I want to bang your box oil your hinges ride you until dawn make hot sloppy till the cops come but only after I cum first ," Sesshoumaru who's eyes were dancing with something his brother had never seen before a mix of lust deviousness and hunger severe wanton savage perverted hunger "I could lick you all over I am told I have a very talented tongue," he smirked deviously "I would quite enjoy cleaning and lubing your pipes I have long reach, if you get my meaning," then winked

Inuyasha was to shell shocked and dumbfounded to move think or react, when, when did his refined dignified high class with morals brother become such a pervert? Why he was as bad as no scratch that he was worse than Miroku. He had to be dreaming this was not his brother he was hallucinating yeah that's what it was. Closing his eyes he rubbed them hoping it was a dream and when he opened them again things would be normal there was no way in hell or on earth this was real, he had to have smoked to much weed the night before yeah that was it. After he finished rubbing them he reopened his eyes

"Bet it's vanilla flavored my favorite," Sesshoumaru continued licking his lips looking Kagome over like a thousand dollar filet mignon. "Nothing like a banana miko split, I can reach places you never dreamed of or thought possible not even in your wildest dreams,"

"Is your tongue registered and licensed? Kagome teased

"Want me to comb your bush and you can find out?" he replied running the tip of his tongue over the point of one fang "I promise not to bite but do not promise not to lick,"

'I'm in the fucking twilight zone' what the hell am I in an alternate universe? Well that would explain a lot' Inuyasha thought

"I must inspect to make sure the carpet matches the drapes," Sesshoumaru was in perv overdrive "Jet black my fav,"

'Where's a hose with icy cold water when ya need one? The hanyou thought

Dear lord it was real then he looked at Kagome and reality threw ice water in his face and bitch slapped him, his usually sweet innocent friend was wearing a new style it was completely out of character for her and his eyes bugged out way more than Jaken's hell if Jaken saw it he might want to switch species and take a run on Kagome his damn self. She was wearing a partially see through red lace bra top with straps shirt accenting her already voluptuous bosom with a black middle of her thigh length leather skirt with a slit on one side, her red shoes and nail polish matched the top, added to the come fuck me outfit was a pair of sheer black stockings that the hanyou could tell were held up by a garter belt secretly he did like garter belts

In addition to this she had her hair on the top middle of her head layer cut leaving the rest of her long curly raven black locks down to her very round ass. Yes Kagome looked like a heavy metal rock star goddess and he could understand his brothers lusty actions still it was highly uncharacteristic of him Sesshoumaru had never done such a thing before acting like a horny teenage pervert with any woman and he had, had many in the past. A devious smirk crossed the dog eared males face while picturing the look on his perverted friends face yep Miroku might knock a few teeth out when his jaw hit the floor oh this would be fun

'Bastard might friggin come in his pants when he sees her' Inuyasha gloatingly thought 'Oh I can hardly wait'

"Having a wet dream are we, little brother? I do hope you are wearing a panty liner"

"Came in your pants yet Fluffy? Better pick your jaw up off the floor puppy toes before ya break a couple of fangs" Inuyasha shot back "And for crap sake do not drool or we'll all drown,"

"If you are feeling your oats so immensely then I strongly suggest you go to the powder room and whack off before we leave we do not need to smell ode la cum reeking from you all night if you drop a load in your panties," Sesshoumaru was unbelievably nasty "Oh and don't forget put lotion on your hand first wouldn't want to give the poor thing paw burn,"

"Boys play nice and no verbal bitch slapping or I will have to punish you severely" am I understood?

"Spank me miko spank me and I'll spank you in return, I myself prefer to have my bare bottom spanked," Sesshoumaru added grabbing his crotch "I'll even let you bite if you wish,"

"Put that whip away before I cage it," she responded

"I am afraid he will not allow such for he prefers you do to it and will fight me violently if I should attempt to they are quite dangerous you know,"

"Oh my fucking god's will you give it a rest you deranged I want to fuck you till your brains bleed pervert? Come on man seriously give me a break" Inuyasha scolded

"Aw does puppy toes need a hug? Come here little feller big bro has lots of hugs to give" this new Sesshoumaru was almost more than Inuyasha could deal with right now "We need to take you out and get you laid stat, a good pussy cures all,"

"Oh I think I'm gonna puke" Can we just go please? Ya freak"

"Okay boys The Kimono Dragon it is," Kagome chimed in "Let's roll,"

"Fina-fucking-ly," Inuyasha wisecracked "One problem,"

"Yeah and that would be? What did puppy toes forget to use his flea powder? Dear lord how was he going to make it through this? No scratch that more like how would he survive it?

"Kagome stow it,"

"I'd let you big boy if I thought you could handle it," Sesshoumaru snickered

"Why me? The poor hanyou groaned "What did I do to deserve this?

"You were born," Sesshoumaru jabbed Inuyasha growled

At The Kimono Dragon

Inuyasha entered with Kagome and Sesshoumaru following behind "Yo mutt," Kouga started then fell silent when Kagome stepped into view "Ka-go-me? Whoa you look like a very hot rock star goddess, sexy haircut," he was almost drooling "And so jumpable" want to go out back and play in my little wolf den you can tune my piano?

"Kagome holy shit," Sango exclaimed as she walked toward the table "Rocker babe the outfit hair girl you look so amazing, honey if I was a dude I'd take you out back and do you right up against the wall," she teased

"Oh no you too," Inuyasha said "I am in fucking bizzaro land,"

"What do you mean me to? Sango asked

"Never mind"

"Does this mean we're dating? Kagome teased her girl pal "No putting out on the first date,"

"Nah I don't do chicks, shit when Jakotsu sees his used to be and dress sweet innocent little you he might switch teams," Sango followed that with a mischievous wink

"Oh now that I'd pay to see," grinning Inuyasha exclaimed "Any of you wimps up for placing bets? The other males rolled their eyes Inuyasha smirked

"And you oh my god I love it black leather pants and top with matching shoes and that silver chain belt around your waist with lockets and things hanging from it really makes it pop," Kagome praised "Hey where's Ayame?

"Getting all dolled up for our night out," Sango answered

"Speak of the devil, damn bitch look at you sex goddess of the wolves," Kagome teased her all dressed in a sexy as hell body hugging royal blue low cut bra top shirt with matching pants

"Look who's talking in that come do me outfit bitch you are looking to get humped" hah? The wolf princess razzed "Damn no more innocent little school girl and demure outfits for you bout time,"

"Yep wait till monk pervmaster two thousand sees our new wench I can hard," Inuyasha started but was cut off

"Kagome my sex goddess will you bear my chil," Miroku started Inuyasha was going to thump him when "Ow, why you,"

"You leave my girls alone you dirty old man," Jakotsu warned while bonking said monk on the head "Kaggy baby I almost didn't recognize you, honey you could turn a gay man straight. I'm walking you home later so you don't get jumped. Come here girls give your big brother a hug," and hugged all three of them

Panting turned everyone's attention back to Miroku "What did ya just remember your part dog and accidently slipped up revealing your secret? Too late now mutt the secrets out" Inuyasha needled "Gotta get this bastard neutered at the pound like all the other whorish male dogs," the hanyou insulted

"I see what Rover is drooling over that hot black haired waitress over there," Kouga pointed to her "Ha, ha monk you do not want to try groping that ass she's a demoness you'll lose that hand,"

"Look at the other girl peeping from behind the kitchen door she's looking at Inuyasha," Sesshoumaru pointed out "Little brother has an admirer maybe she'll give you a piece of ass and take your virginity,"

"Son of a bitch I haven't been a virgin in years and you know it,"

"Okay bitches let's sit down order some chow and eat I'm so hungry dog meat is starting to look yummy," Ayame teased

The foxy waitress came over to their table "Hi I'm Kagura I'll be your server tonight" you folks ready to order?

"Yup dog bones for the boys and steaks for the girls," Kagome wisecracked

"Hey" the males protested

"Guess that means no pussy for you tonight boys" hah? Sango jabbed "Cryin shame that is,"

"Oh man up and stop bitching, gee you'd think they had PMS or something," Ayame added

"Hey I like you girls finally I found some fellow wiseasses" want to hang out sometime? Kagura asked they said sure she took out a card writing on the back "Here's my home and cell phone numbers call any time," while handing it to Sango

"Welcome to the family new little sister, I'm Jakotsu," he greeted extending a hand and shaking hers

"Oh wow handsome if you were straight I could sure go for you you're a real hottie," Kagura complimented he thanked her and she headed to the kitchen

"Hey look the peeper from behind the kitchen door is back and looking all cranky, damn," Ayame exclaimed

"As long as miss cranky pot doesn't fuck with me I'm cool," Sango said then the girl left

In the kitchen

"Oh really, who died and left you boss? Last time I checked Totosai was the boss, he and his wife Kaede own this joint not you skank thank God" Kagura snapped

"You won't be here long when I'm through believe it," the other female yelled the customers could hear it fortunately only Kagome and her friends were there other customers wouldn't be there until later

"Really? I've been here five weeks and you what a week now? And nothing but a pain in the ass" what the fuck's your problem? You are usually one of those quiet bitchy bitches watching from the shadows? Now you're suddenly an upfront loud and mouthy pain in the ass" so what crawled up your snatch passed out from horror died and is rotting in there? Phew it's rank" ever heard of a douche?

"I'll knock your fucking teeth down your throat bitch," the other female screeched Kagura smirked

"Oh I think I get it' saw something out there you like but it doesn't like you back?

"Your cheap shallow ugly and slutty just like that cheap dressed like a prostitute whore out there in the red top some bitches have no shame," the other snapped

"You know what they say takes a classy whore to score but a sexless prude who can't get screwed with a rancid meat stinking up the place snatch to be a bore," Kagura was a verbal piranha and not letting go "Now get your fat ass in gear dish up the food and shut that sewer you call a mouth,"

"Don't look at me I'm a demon I'll just shove you in the deep fryer serve you up and call it the Sunday special," the chef informed her

"Well what do you know it's quiet for a change, If I weren't a demon I'd be on my knees thanking God right now," Kagura insulted her turned then caught something out of the corner of her eye and could not believe what she saw and cringed 'You have got to be kidding me' she thought

With Inuyasha's group

'Oh I think I'm in love she's the female version of me, hm Kagura that's her name' Inuyasha thought

Kagome thankfully didn't have demon hearing and the canines at the table were glad of it because if she had the kitchen would be getting torn apart right now. But nothing could prepare Inuyasha or the others for what was coming next something they'd never think sweet Kagome capable of. Though he had a nervous knot in his gut telling him otherwise Inuyasha silently prayed things would go smoothly and that everyone would make it out in one piece. His face lit up when he saw his dream girl coming ruby red lips Kagura carrying a tray with their orders on it. Kagura came over to them

Inuyasha had something in his hand "Here doll call me," he handed her a card with his number on it

"Okay, thanks," she gently stroked one of his cute irresistible ears

"I just found my new girlfriend," he was in heaven

"Aw look at that mutt face just discovered girls," Kouga needled

Kagura served the food placing everyone's plate in front of them but when it came to Kagome she wouldn't "What gives? I thought we were friends" Hurt looking Kagome asked

"You don't want to eat this hun," Kagura replied the miko had a WTF look on her face Kagura leaned in and whispered something in her ear

The canine demons hearing what it was whispered "Oh shit"

"She what? Though murderously enraged Kagome was so calm is was actually frightening "She whispered in Kagura's ear asking for something smirking Kagura nodded yes

Inuyasha and Kouga grabbed her arms thinking to keep her from committing homicide but being zapped by a raging mikos powers was a very painful experience forcing them to quickly release her. Kagome immediately headed to the kitchen "Damn Sango you could have helped your human she can't zap you," Inuyasha griped

"Well excuse me us puny humans do not even know what's going on we don't have demon hearing" remember, duh? Sango shot back

"Oops my bad sorry," he replied Kagura told them

"Screw dinner I would not miss this for all the money in the universe," evilly smiling Miroku said while getting up and bolted toward the kitchen

The kitchen door swung open and Kagome entered "Yo bitch, whore in a red top? You did what to my fucking steak? Well I'll just have to return your kindness" won't I? The female tried but failed to stifle a gulp "What's your name? No reply "Cool fine by me I will be more than happy to just beat it out of you,"

"Kikyo, her name is Kikyo Nagasaki or as I so fondly to refer to her as Kikyho Nagaloony. Hi I'm Naraku the cook here,"

"Nice to meet you," Kagome replied "Now back to you" ya hungry? Cause dinner's on me tonight" Kikyo's eyes were filled with horror "Why are you fucking with me I do not know you and have never done a thing to you" so what lame ass excuse do you have, hah?

"I have a suspicion I think she likes our dog eared baby," Kagura told her

"Did you ever think of going to him and just asking him for a date? Dumb ass" Kagome spat "Got the plate? Kagura handed it to her "Sango, Ayame please sit the bitch in the chair and hold her down? Kagome set the plate on the table in front of her "Eat" the miko ordered Kikyo of course refused "Well ain't this a bitch slut bag shoves her fingers up her crab infested cunt and rubs them all over my steak, didn't think I knew about that" did ya? You going to eat or what?

"I didn't," Kikyo tried

"Really? Yash please?

Inuyasha sniffed "Yup smells like her all over the meat,"

"There ya go dogs are ten times better than lie detectors," Kagome informed her "Now eat it or I will fucking kill you" understand? New Kagome was lethal and unlike before swore like a sailor

'This new miko is, is so. Oh I do not know how much more I can take' Sesshoumaru thought

"Here let me help you hun," Kagura said cutting a piece then putting it to her mouth

"What's the matter it's your juice on it not mine or anyone else'? You look like the type that appreciates some good vintage chateau de pussay. Eat up babe" Kagome was worse than a street gangster thug "Do it I said," she shrieked slamming her hand down on the metal table making her flinch. Out of fear she took a bite though gagging ate it

"Shit she is worse than me and I'm a full demon," Kouga whispered to Sesshoumaru

"Don't like that well there is the alternative. Sango Ayame don't let go of her," Kagome requested "I'm so tense I need a buzz,"

'Naughty miko very interesting' Sesshoumaru thought

Kagome put one of the metal chairs in front of her and turned it sideways, Kagura handed her something the miko bent over putting one hand on the seat of the chair balancing herself on the palm. In her free hand was a hotdog she put that hand up under her skirt and moaned as it made contact and started slowly thrusting in and out her mouth gaped open for a few seconds form the intense pleasure before closing again. She licked her lips and after a few seconds bit her bottom lip it was nearly time she was close now

"Miroku?

"Yes? He nearly stammered

"Come do what you do best,"

"My dream come true," he stood behind her gently rubbing her rear she moaned

"Inuyasha?

"Yeah what?

"My boobs need you," he happily obliged stood in his spot joined in

"Kouga groping detail,"

"Yes ma'am,"

'Pornographic' Sesshoumaru thought

Kagome kept her eyes glued to Kikyo who by this time was beyond horrified "Fuck Inuyasha oh yeah just like that. Oh my fucking gods yes, oh, oh, oh I, Inuyasha, Kouga, Miroku harder I, I I'm going to," her thrusting had become hard fast and erratic

"Yes, fuck yes," she exploded slowing down as she rode the aftershocks of a euphoric completion smiling dreamily

Sesshoumaru's dick nearly exploded and he was in a form of hell his cock and balls where aching like an impacted wisdom tooth he'd never hurt so bad in all his long life and had also never seen or knew of a woman such as this miko. He was definitely in dire need of relief from his nearly unbearable aching condition and soon in fact the sooner the better

"That was fucking amazing," she exclaimed while pulling her glistening with her juices meat toy out "Yummy time," and faster than a flash of lightening it was shoved in Kikyo's mouth that was being held shut after being forced to eat it she was set free and released running out of the restaurant gagging as she ran she'd vomit then scrub her mouth till dooms day came

After Kikyo was gone

"Wench that was unbelievably real looking," Inuyasha said "Damn never knew you were such a freak,"

"I know, right?" Kagura spoke "Damn I almost believed it was,"

"Well look at it this way she wanted to share her pussy with me so why not let her think I was sharing mine with her?" Kagome replied "And you guys did an amazing job playing along with me," they loved the praise "Bet she won't be doing that shit again,"

"I cannot believe it our sweet Kagome is a hardcore kick ass gangster bitch, I am so proud," Sango teased

"But what the hell was your meat toy coated with to look like cum on it? Miroku asked

"A little raw egg white," smirking Kagura answered "I thought it would add to the authenticity,"

"Hey what the hell?" Kagome exclaimed when she was suddenly lifted up off her feet and put over a shoulder, she looked to see who it was "Yo fluffy what's up? She said after seeing it was Sesshoumaru "Eee" she squealed when he nipped her butt cheek with a fang

"What the hell? Inuyasha said then went and took a look through the glass window on the door "Really, in the walk in freezer on top of the slab of frozen meat? You've got to be kidding me"

"Beat it bitch I'm not in the mood and go get screwed I know I am," Sesshoumaru answered and continued stroking

"Damn he just hiked up her skirt and bam he's been in pervert mode all day after seeing her new outfit. Guess that little performance of hers nearly made his little man explode,"

"Hehehe she called him fluffy," laughing Jakotsu said

"You know I think she's about the only one who can get away with that," Miroku added

"Oh yeah? Smirking smartass Inuyasha said "Fluffy, fluffy he's the man if he can't comb that bush nobody can. Choo, choo our wench is riding the fluffy express deluxe three car train when he's done wonder if she'll be sane?"

"Growl"

"Uh oh Inuyasha you are a dead man," Sango said

"I know, but it is so worth it anything that gets his fur in a twist works for me,"

"Uh Seshoumaru," the miko groaned "Inu" she started but stopped when he shifted a certain way he smirked. Then "Inu, ah Sessh. Inuyasha sit," BAM

"Oh fuck forgot she could do that, damn it wench you traitor,"

"Hehehe I never get tired of that," Sango teased

Then a blinding pale orchid colored light rolled in like fog lighting up the whole place everyone looked like huh "Fluffy just got married, well peeps let's celebrate," Inuyasha said

"Dinner's on me eat up," Naraku announced

"I'll take that," they responded and began chowing down on the fresh steak salads and veggies Naraku had cooked

"So what brings you here? Inuyasha greeted the new arrival

"Hungry" sniff "Restaurant" sniff "Came to eat," sniff "Sesshoumaru's mated,"

"Gee what was your first clue? The smart ass hanyou replied "Damn it pop will ya quit snapping my friggin ear with your claw?

"No because that is how one deals with unruly dogs," his father shot back, Inuyasha told him what had taken place "Poor dog his log must have nearly exploded," he smirked evilly

"Yeah check this out," Inuyasha offered showing his dad the picture he took with his cell phone

"Holy mother she is almost unrecognizable," Sugimi said his eyes widened with shock "Oh boy I will finally get some grandpups yes two or three will be nice better yet we'll start with a litter,"

"A litter," two voices shrieked from the back

"Good one dad judging by their responses I think you shaved a hundred years of fluffys life," Inuyasha teased

"I knew that'd get him,"

Inuyasha pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number "Hm, hm, hm," he hummed

"What the hell are you doing? Sugimi asked

"Watch this," the party on the other end picked up and answered "Turn your cell phone on," he told the other male," he did "Yo dude check this out,"

"Oh I want to change species and do her," he exclaimed not realizing he said it out loud "All night long," then grabbed his wiener. Thump

"What was that? The others asked

"Our favorite pest hitting the floor when he saw this," the hanyou answered turning his phone to show Kagome in her new outfit "Sent him a pic guess Jaken junior couldn't handle the strain,"

"Inuyasha" his companions said

"What I am a sharing caring dog?"

 **2**

 **The closet**

Waking from a good night's sleep a certain hanyou yawned stretched then got up to eagerly greet and start of a new day, something caught his attention a whirring sound as he headed down the hall to the bathroom for his daily morning shower, he focused on locating it's origin. A grunt caused him to come to a grinding halt a groan followed, very quietly he slowly let his demon hearing lead him to the source

'In the closet? What the hell? He thought

Silently he crept along sneaking up to the closet like a hungry lion stalking it's prey another groan caused him to pause for a moment and wait so he waited for a few seconds before moving again. Resuming his investigation he continued on his way stopping in front of the closet the whirring sound filling his ears. Nervous and unsure of exactly what he would find he reached out a slightly shaky hand inching toward the doorknob then finally took hold of it. He decided that like a bandage it is always better to pull it off quick so steeling his nerves he turned the knob and at the same time yanked the door open nothing could have prepared him for the sight that greeted him

No this wasn't real nor was it happening he was sleep walking and this was part of a warped dream once he woke up it would be gone and then he'd know for sure that that's all it was a twisted figment of his dream state imagination. Though merely a few fleeting seconds to him it was as if time had stood still and he been in limbo for ten years. No, no one would ever do something like this or even think about doing such a thing but your eyes do not deceive you and yes it was true. Of all the people

A voice cruelly yanked him back to reality "Excuse me snoopy I am busy" can you not see that?

"Say what? You and? You're doing that? The in shock horrified pointing hanyou practically stammered

"Yes I am busy you may have the closet when I am through, goodbye," the other person said slamming the door shut

Yes it was true he just saw his idol the pillar of society a loved and highly respected public figure Sesshoumaru his one and only brother with his dick in a vacuum cleaner hose pleasuring himself. And was that? No it couldn't be what he was seeing, could it? He was also wearing a condom. Inuyasha nearly began hyperventilating it was all too much for his poor brain to process he was in the goddsdamned twilight zone

"Wearing a condom what don't want to knock it up?" he said to himself "Well at least he won't drop a load in side it that'd be beyond disgusting. Blow job by Hiroshi," it was the name of the vacuum company the hanyou walked away wanting nothing more than to and forget and maybe scrub his brain with a gallon of bleach

The following day

Inuyasha could not believe his eyes never in his wildest dreams did he ever think he'd see Miroku king of all perverts in the universe in such a situation, His friends stood there looking as shocked as he was while watching the show. As fast as he was he could not escape his stalker nope said stalker was way too fast for him with a blush on his cheeks he did a fine job of continuing to dodge his assailant who was as relentless as him no worse than him

"Talk about relentless," Jakotsu exclaimed

"Hey monk ya training for track racing? Kouga teased

"Impressively fast for a human," Sugimi praised

"Oh man this is even better than the late night Takanawa comedy show," Sesshoumaru added "Come on monk you can do it another five minutes and Sesshy wins a hundred bucks," thump Miroku hit the floor "Damn guess that hundred just flew out the window,"

"Oh wow this is nice," Sango said

"So round," Kagura exclaimed

"So firm," Ayame chimed in

"So fully packed and easy on the draw," Kagome added

"Ah ha, ha, ha, ha, ha," Inuyasha laughed falling on his ass "Hey monk how's it feel being on the receiving end for a change? Thank you Kami I have been praying for this day for years and it finally came" watching the females mercilessly groping Miroku's butt was his dream come true "Hey, hey girls be gentle he's a delicate flower mustn't bruise the petals,"

"Okay Yashy,"

"No, no more please girls have mercy?" the monk pled "My holy monk seat cushions are wearing out,"

"Should we what do you think girls? Sango asked

"Naaaaah"

"Sorry monk you heard the vote," Sango told him

The next morning

On his way to the bathroom "No, stop I need to use the little monks room," Miroku whined

:Don't be so stingy you've got two so share,"

"Yes true but this is monk abuse,"

"Nah it's like fine art you gotta show appreciation for it," his assailant replied

"Oh come on give a guy a break I won't tell the others if you do,"

"Nope sorry,"

"Ayame please?" this went on for a week everywhere he went in the house there was a female waiting to stroke his rear end with Inuyasha mercilessly ragging him the whole time

A week later

Déjà vu hit hard and heavy with crushing force when Inuyasha heard the grunts and groans coming from the same closet as he had one week earlier "Again? You've got to be frigging kidding me" Should I get a hose? Nah"

"Oh this is wonderful," Sesshoumaru moaned "If only it could last forever,"

'The fuck? Are you kidding me gain? With his looks the fucker could easily get girls' he thought

"Ah yes I have never had one as good as you," taiyoukai groaned in sheer bliss "I am in demon heaven,"

"Say what? The fuckers in love with the goddsdamned vacuum cleaner" the horrified hanyou mumbled "That's it intervention time,"

Sesshoumaru pumped harder than he ever had in his life, all the previous times before this had never been or felt this damn good he was in demon heaven and wanted it to last forever. He could feel it coming so strong it felt as though his head may explode this was going to be the best release he ever had just a little more and he'd be there paradise would be his. His heated blood nearly seared his veins heating his body like a furnace in his state of euphoria he was in his own world oblivious to all else

Inuyasha stealthily snuck down the stairs to get what he needed this was surely the cure after this Sesshoumaru would never want to make love to another vacuum cleaner again as long as he lived best of all there'd be no need for visits to a psychologist saving time money and sparing him embarrassment. The sneaky hanyou made his way up the stairs back on the second floor again he softly padded across the carpeted hall floor, yes this had to be done like it or not it was the only way to save his big bro. He sucked in a deep breath and exhaled like a lightning bolt using his demonic speed he opened the door hitting his brother with the contents in a metal bucket freezing cold water with ice cubes in it

"Ahhhhhhhhh" shrieks of frozen agony carried through the home

"Oh no," he nervously exclaimed rubbed his eyes and looked again 'Why, why couldn't it just be a hallucination? No it was definitely real "But, but, but," he stammered the horror was too much to bear he was totally fucked and he knew it, and not the good kind of fucked either

Yes this time unlike all the others he had epically screwed up it was too late and there was no turning back now even pleading temporary insanity could not get him out of this one. Though nowhere near death yet his life flashed before his golden eyes he had so much to live for but that was all gone now. He knew even his father the great and terrible dog general couldn't save him nope this was his last day on earth he thought how he'd never have a mate and puppies of his own. He turned around headed for then ran down the stairs in an attempt to escape impending death question is would he make it

"Inuyasha dirty in need of killing rabid dog Taisho," this person never used his full name when on the warpath and that was bad very bad "Inuyasha Taisho sit," bam. Yes surprise Sesshy was not alone in that closet this time

"Not while on the stairs damn it that's worse than on a bed of rocks," he whined "No good rotten wen,"

"What was that? What was that you started to say? Silence "Inuyasha Taisho sit boy," bam, down he went again

On the first floor

"What the hell was that? Sugimi exclaimed

"Sounds like a soon to be dead mutt to me," Kouga wisecracked

"Lord what could he possibly have done to send our miko into murder mode? I almost fear to know"

"Sugimi you know Inuyasha anything is possible," Miroku said

"And she used his full name that's a new first," Ayame pointed out

"Yes that means it is something epic," the dog general added

"Oh well it's the least I can do for a fellow canine I'll start digging mutt faces grave out back,"

"Kouga" Sango scolded though his wise ass remark did make it even funnier

Bam a heavy thud was heard when something landed on the floor at the bottom of the steps followed a metal clang "What have you done? Sugimi asked "And should I reserve a plot at the cemetery for you, my pet? Hmm?

"Look peeps canned hanyou," Kouga teased pointing to the metal bucket Inuyasha was wearing over his head thanks to the fall "I'll get the knives and forks,"

"I was just trying to help him," Inuyasha answered his father

"Wait, him who? I hear the miko after you" so who is the he you speak of? His sire questioned

"Well I caught Sessh in the closet last week and I thought I'd cure him,"

"Cure him, cure him of what? What could your brother possibly need to be cured of?

"From making l" realizing his grand error he quickly clamped a hand over his mouth "Ah nothing," no matter what even to save his own life he never wanted anyone to know what he had seen the week before

"So what at the present time have you done? Talk or be skinned" his father commanded

"Bucket filled with ice cubes and cold water, didn't know wench was in closet, hit him with it got her to,"

"Cure him? Sugimi pressed

"Nothin pop it was my bad,"

"Hm sounds as if the miko is your bad this time," wanting to rattle his son more "So what was happening in the closet? Come on tell daddy all about it" was it something special? And details I want details leave nothing out you know I am a thorough dog"

"They, screw it go find out yourself," Inuyasha hauled ass swiftly disappearing

After Inuyasha was gone "Hehehe, they were mating," laughing Sugimi told the others "And are again," he added while looking up at the ceiling

"Aw Sesshy is getting creme de pussay," Miroku teased

"All I can say is he is damned lucky Sesshoumaru didn't use his acid," Sango said

"Ouch I know, right?" Ayame added

Ring, ring "I'll get it," Sango volunteered she opened the front door "Get in here you," she teased pulling the visitor in then hugging the person they came in "Inupapa this is Kagura our new sister,"

"Welcome to my humble abode," Sugimi teased "My name is Sugimi,"

"Where is puppy ears? Kagura asked

"Oh he had to run for his life," Ayame answered

"Run for his life?

"Yeah he yanked Kaggys chain putting him on the top of her murder list," Sango added

"So he is a holy terror? Kagura asked

"Inuyasha the prank master he is a full time terror, Kaggys only a part timer," Sango answered

"Yep we call him the prank master three thousand," Kouga chimed in evilly smiling the wolf told Kagura what had taken place

"And he is still alive? Kagura exclaimed "Amazing" she smirked "Sugimi your family is fun,"

"My dear you haven't seen the half of it yet, welcome to the family,"

 **3**

 **Poor mister Watanabe**

"Nooooooooo, please don't?" someone screamed "Please I don't want to di," bam ended the pleas and all fell silent

The early hours of the following morning

"What is that? A man said when he caught sight of something in the alley between to the Shimamura warehouse and the Takeda commercial bakery

"Looks like a," another man started but was cut off

"Oh my god somebody call the police," a woman cried out

"I'll go see if he is still alive," another male chimed in

"I'm calling the police," another woman said

With split second timing police officers quickly arrived on the scene

"I am officer Tanaka,"

"And I am detective Himura from homicide," the bystanders introduced themselves in return "Did anyone here see or hear anything? Anything would help even the smallest bit of information could help us catch the perpetrator"

"We all got here about 3:30 am," one woman replied

"Yes we like to get an early start so we always arrive well before operating hours which start at 7:am so we can get a head start on things," a man answered

"Over the past few days have you noticed any strangers hanging around?

"No" they answered

"I see" have you seen or heard anything out of the ordinary?

"No" they replied

"Okay, thank you for your time, here's my card if anything and I mean anything comes up give me a call," the detective handed each of them a card

Two days later

"Are you kidding me? Suki a sales girl said

"No for real she tried to return the panties at Osaka Lingerie after wearing," Kiri the manager of Shizuka's a large clothing store said

"Eew gross" what the hell does she think it is the wear and return system? And wear and return without washing to I bet"

"That's not all," Kiri began again

"There's more,"

"Yeah Amaya my friend who works there told me they could still smell the perfume she had on when she wore them," Kiri told her friend "She should be banned from the stores that is nasty, plus you don't know where that thing between her legs has been,"

"I know right?" Suki replied "She's probably the type who never washes after sex,"

"Yup" ring, ring "I'll answer it. Hello," Kiri greeted the caller "Really? Ah hah" you have got to be kidding me? Okay talk to you later"

"What happened? Do you have a family emergency? I can cover for you"

"No, that was my friend Jiro over at the Sakayama pharmacy," Kiri replied

"And?

You will never guess who was just there," Kiri said

"Oh no,"

"Oh yes and you'll never believe what she tried to return," Kiri looked at her coworker trying to gage her reaction "Get this a Kotex pad,"

"Say whaaaaat? Suki nearly shrieked

"Yup and dig this her reason it didn't fit right,"

"Oh my fuc," Suki started without completing the sentence

"There wasn't any blood on it but there was a kitty hair on it showing that she had tried it on," Kiri waited

"I-I-I know I shouldn't but sorry hahahahahaha this is just too damn funny," poor Suki nearly busted a gut laughing

Early the following morning

"Hi can I help you? Kiri greeted

"Hi my name is Kagome Higurashi I saw the help wanted sign and came to apply for a job,"

"Nice to meet you Kagome my name is Kiri,"

Spotting a job application Kagome reached out to take one but was stopped by Kiri's hand on top of the papers "What gives?

"No need for that,"

"Hah? The miko responded

Kiri smirked "I'm the manager here you look like you'll be a good worker your hired,"

"Oh wow thanks" when do I start?

"Now if you want," Kiri answered "Kagome this is Suki

"Hi Suki,"

"Welcome to the vampires lair muwhahaha," Suki teased

5 days later

It was as if they had known each other all of their lives and in no time at all they were like peas in a pod even Sango Kagura and Ayame loved the new additions to their circle of friends. An unexpected visitor entered the store Suki and Kiri went into hot dude alert yes he was a beautiful male specimen muscular tall sexy as hell with a body built for sin. They sized the male up like a piece of prime rib, he smirked loving the adoration

"How may I help you sir? Kagome asked

"Oh in so many ways too many to count," he teased

"Very funny" now what do you want?

"Dunno you tell me,"

"Why you," this guy may be illegally hot but he was a major pain

"Jeez wench calm down and take a chill pill I just stopped by to say hello,"

Suki and Kiri looked at each other "Wench?

"Inuyasha Taisho did you come here to shop or bust my balls? The miko replied

"Ya don't have any balls to bust so guess that's out,"

Kiri smirked "I'll be glad to bust your balls,"

"Hah? The others exclaimed

"You have balls and I will be more than glad to bust them for you," yup sweet shy reserved innocent little Kiri for whatever reason was not inhibited with this male

"Oh really? Inuyasha was enjoying this new challenge and he always was a dog up for a new challenge "What did ya have in? he started but paused when Kiri stepped in front of him reaching behind her and grabbed his male jewels "Um, yeah message received," Kiri dragged him off to the back room

"She hasn't been laid in a long time and he is exactly her type," grinning Suki told Kagome

"Well Suk we might as well not wait up cuz that dog is like all day sucker candy he lasts forever,"

"Oh ho in that case Kiri might not let him out of there for a week,"

A few hours later

"Well what do you know it's still alive," Kagome teased her returning dog pal

"What? It's like mating season for boy dogs year round and you know we're always in heat" the hanyou replied

"Hm, let's see we open for business at seven am and close at three you came in five after seven and it's now two fifty five pm five minutes to closing time," looking at her watch Kagome teased

"Yes and your point being?"

"Oh nothing nearly eight hours thought you might be dead is all," she needled

"Don't fret wench I've got more than enough for two, come on let's go in the back and let me show you," oh yes he was one ball breaking dog

"I am killing you later you know that right?" she shot back

"Only if it's on your back,"

"That's it mister never mind later now your dead," that said and done the miko leapt over the counter in relentless pursuit of her prey

"Hehehehe, Thanks Kiri and see ya later if I'm still alive that is," Inuyasha called back as he ran toward the front door

"They battle like brother and sister it's hilarious," Suki said

"I know right?"

Three weeks later

Kagome had been working at Shazuka's for over three weeks and was a model employee just as Kiri knew she'd be. It was a Friday morning eight am the front door opened and a blond woman with long thick hair walked in she looked around for a few minutes. Kagome was in the back of the store and came back out to the front of the store. The blond woman turned to face the counter

"Is there a bathroom here?

"Yes in the back," Kiri answered

"Well is someone going to lead me to it or are you going to stand there looking at me all day? she arrogantly said looking at Kagome

"Excuse you ever heard of manners? You know that thing when you treat others with respect"

"Where's your manager you snotty girl?" the woman bit

"Your speaking to the manager," Suki said winking at the miko

"You heard the lady," Kagome shot back at the blond "Give me a sec I've got to put a new roll of paper in the restroom," she sweetly said

"Good don't make me wait," she was a snide little tart

"Okay come on this way to the right," she followed Kagome

After she went in "Don't break the seat," Kagome wisecracked and headed back to the front of the store

"Obviously a bleach blond," Kiri said to Suki

"Miss thing is all set," Kagome exclaimed "Hey Suki thanks for letting her think I was the manager that was a sweet trick,"

"Hehehe it isn't every day I get to yank a bitches chain,"

"Hm, hm, hm," Kagome hummed while filing her nails

"Uh oh," Kiri and Suki exclaimed

"What? I only freshened up her majesty's throne room," the miko exclaimed "Can't let the queen have a soiled throne" now can we?

"What did you do? Her two friends whispered

"Wait for it girls wait for it,"

"Ohhhhh, I hate you," they whined

The woman came back out "I'll come back and buy something when you people learn some manners," she said turning her nose up in the air then "huh" and left

"Enjoy your freebie princes pop tart," sadistically smiling Kagome exclaimed after the woman was gone

"Kaggy you she devil," Kiri said

"You know it, well I've got cleaning to do," the miko announced then left

"Aw now we'll never and now I'm dying of curiosity," Kiri whined

1 hour later

The front door flew open "Where is she? She did this"

"You again, thought you weren't coming back until we learned some manners? Suki bit

"Yeah we didn't get any yet so beat it bleached blondy," Kiri shot back

"Get her out here now,"

"You shrieked," Kagome said as she appeared up front

'You did this to me," Kagome simply responded with a bored look "Say something you little tramp,"

Kagome sighed "What are you going on about pop tart princess?

"This you little bitch," the woman snapped pulling up a sleeve revealing a red blistering rash "And that's not the only place,"

"Well next time wear a rubber ain't my fault you caught something," Kagome shot back

"This isn't from sex I ought to kick your ass maybe I will, you'll never know where when or how and never know where I am count on it," she yelled and stomped out

"Okay Kaggy talk under penalty of death," Suki commanded

"Oh all right you nosy chicks, poison ivy coating the toilet paper and seat,"

Kiri's tea sprayed out of her mouth across the floor "Cough you mean cough when she wiped down there? And she sat on it hehehehe that is diabolical Kaggy you evil girl

"That's not all the hand soap to," Kagome told them "Why do you think I went on a cleaning spree with bleach starting with the front door? No need to fret I did everything she touched"

"Oh my God women you are a demon," Suki said "But hell it is as funny as hell, I had all I could do to keep a straight face when I saw that rash,"

"But Kaggy my pet" where did you get poison ivy? Kiri asked

"I carry some with me at all times for such rare and special occasions like this," she smirked "A long time ago I put plain oil in a bottle and simply added some fresh poison ivy leaves,"

"You know I never would have thought of that," Suki exclaimed

"Stick with me girls I will teach you the fine art of criminal activity," the grinning miko said

Three days after the store incident

"Hi I would like to return this," a woman said after entering the Yakumo hardware store

"It's been used" what is the reason you are returning the hammer? The man asked

"It is off balance," she replied "I am here for the return before the thirty day returns time ends" is there a problem?

"No we'll give you a refund,"

"Thank you it's about time," she snidely replied he gave her the refund she took the money and left

"Bankotsu look at the head," Kurama said

"I see damn man she used the hell out of it,"

"Yeah just put it over there for now," Kurama instructed "Shit I've got to call my brother he'll have a baby if I don't check in he's worse than a mother hen,"

Meanwhile else where

Kagome was walking home unaware of a stranger following her the hair stood up on the back of her neck and a cold chill like the icy fingers of death ran up her spine. She decided to take a few short cuts and stay in brightly lit places and where there were people as many as possible. She heard it, this time she heard something alerting her that she was indeed being followed she bolted but the person was faster than she anticipated and was behind her in an instant. Something was raised over her hear judging from the shadow it was large and about to come down on her head, then powerful lights suddenly appeared temporary blinding both assailant and victim and doors opened

"Kikyo Nagasaki drop it," one of the police officers pointing guns at her said

"Drop it or I'll shoot now," a man obviously a detective ordered a heavy object hit the ground with a thud "Kagome Higurashi?

"Yes I am,"

"I'm detective Naraku Himura come over here your safe now,"

Curious she turned to see the face of her attacker "You" BAM Kikyo went flying yes the mysterious bleach blond who'd given her such a hard time on her job

"Whoa nice shot," a cop said and walked over to Kagome "Hello there my name is Kouga, Kouga Tanaka,"

"Hi officer Tanaka nice to meet you,"

"Just call me Kouga doll face,"

Kikyo started to wake from unconsciousness and stood up "Kikyo Nagasaki you are under arrest for the murder of your husband Takemaru Watanabe,"

"Murder? The suddenly white as a sheet miko exclaimed

"Yep she has a nasty habit using and returning things to local stores and was banned so she bleached her hair to alter her appearance. But this time it came back and bit her on the ass when she returned a hammer to the Yakumo hardware store where my brother Kurama works after getting a whiff of the blood that remained in the metal of the top of the head even after she cleaned it he immediately called me,"

"Is there anyone we can call for you Miss Higurashi? Naraku asked

"There's" she started

"Miko" a familiar voice called out and a man approached "Naraku"

"Sesshoumaru"

His arms immediately went around her holding her close to him possessively "I sensed danger and came to find you," the dog demon told her she hugged him "Naraku this is my intended and fiancé,"

"Hah? What? When did this happen?

"Now" he replied "We're getting mated and married,"

"But we're not even dating" what happened to asking a girl first? Kagome teased "What if I say no?

"But you won't," he grinned then his face suddenly went blank "No you don't vermin," his whip formed and hit it's target so fast no one saw it coming then a thump caught everyone's attention "Murdering sow," two things hit the ground this time

"Ouch that's got to hurt," a grinning police officer named Hojo said

Kagome looked then saw what the weapon Kikyo had tried to kill her with was a piece of wood she'd swiped from a construction site with two long large nails sticking out of it. The miko gasped when she saw Kikyo's hand laying there lopped off at the wrist still gripping the weapon Sesshoumaru's acid had sealed the wound. But that was not all the hand turned to nothing but bones yes Sesshoumaru's little insurance policy he had sent a little of his acid into it ensuring it could never be reattached ever again

"Should you make another attempt of any king it will be your head next," the dog demon warned

"Yo fluff what's going on? Just arriving Inuyasha asked, Sesshoumaru told him "Well looks like no more hand jobs for her" get it?

"Oh I swear when he's on his death bed he'll have to get one last shot in," Sugimi said

Sesshoumaru's hand slid down to Kagome's rear giving it a gentle squeeze he'd been itching to do that for so long "Hey dad look at that slice and hump," Inuyasha whispered in his father's ear

"Yes your brother is a thorough surgeon and a little mating after surgery is always fun,"

"Dad you are as sick as me" you know that right?

"And whom do you think you got it from? Dear boy" next a ball of light sped off for parts unknown

"Hey pop looks like I'm getting a wench in law," he teased softly jabbing his father's ribs with an elbow

 **4**

 **Mikos and demon catnip sake**

Jaken had a wish like a kid at Christmas he had one gift he wanted more than anything else on the planet only his was different then a child's wish. Jaken wanted something different very different to see Kagome drunk he had always wondered what it would be like to see a miko inebriated and had a plan. His idea was actually simple demon catnip sake and he had a secret stash now to find a way to get her to ingest it his devious green brain was in overdrive. The little green snake in the grass kappa made it putting fresh demon catnip in extra strength sake after sitting for one day the alcohol dissolved the catnip creating the powerful liquor

'Hm, let's see I must find a way to get her to drink this" but what can I use? Ah hah Sesshoumaru samas nine fruit juice blend she loves it yeah that'll do it' Jaken thought, he hummed to himself as he made ready to commit deviltry

"Good morning toadykins," Inuyasha greeted

"Kappa I am a kappa" how many times do I have to remind you? Kappa not a toad"

"Yeah okay toad with a beak that walks upright and talks," Inuyasha was not backing down

Jaken remembered something "Puppy toes, puppy ears be a good puppy and I will take you for a puppy walk later kay puppy," once seeing the results he'd aimed for Jaken smiled evilly waiting

"I am not a puppy," the hanyou yelled "Dog, got it D-O-G dog"

"And I am not a toad I'm a kappa" got it? Kappa K-A-P-P-A kappa"

"Oooooo you little pain in my ass if ya weren't part of the family I'd kill you,"

"Love you too," Jaken replied

"Well Jaken this is a side of you I never knew existed," entering the kitchen Sesshoumaru exclaimed "Priceless"

"I rather like it," Sugimi said as he came in

"Damn mutts and your friggin keen canine hearing," Inuyasha griped

"Coming from a fellow mutt I will take that as praise, and good morning to you as well little brother," Sesshoumaru added

"Mornin sunshine," Sugimi needled

"Good one kappa you're the man," Kouga praised Jaken

"You see even the wolf prince gets it," Jaken said

"Shut it kappalone I mean future bologna," Inuyasha insulted

"Aw you leave our kappa cutie alone," the just arriving females scolded

"Great frog boy has an all wench fan club,"

"Jealous? Jaken needled

"Nope, I am gifted where it counts," Inuyasha shot back

"You are oh really? You're the smallest canine in the house"

"Buuuuuuurn," the observing males exclaimed Inuyasha could only glare as he could think of nothing else to say

Later on

Jaken waited all day for the opportunity to present itself so he could enact his wicked plan, Kagome came into the kitchen looking thirsty perfect "Sit down you look thirsty let me get you something to drink,"

"Thanks my favorite kappa,"

Jaken poured some of Sesshoumaru's fruit juice concoction into a chilled quickly adding the demon catnip sake to it a small amount would do the trick "Here you go my favorite miko," he teased even though they sometimes had practical joke wars they were still pals

"Mm, this is delicious" what is it?

"Sesshoumaru samas nine fruit juices blend,"

"This is liquid heaven," she praised

'If you only knew' he thought

"I feel so good" is this demon or regular juice? Because regular don't do this? She said "Why Jaken did you spike my drink so you can have your way with me? Naughty boy" she pulled her shirt down off one shoulder batting her eyes

"Sp-spike? He nervously stammered

She winked "Relax it's okay it'll be our little secret," she had him dangling like a fish on a hook and knew it

"b-but I never," he was interrupted

"Would never what? Inuyasha's voice chimed in sniff "What the fuck? Oh you didn't?

"I know not of what you speak," Jaken tried

"Oh boy this is sweet dumb ass you just opened up a whole can of whoop ass on yourself. Don't sweat it I won't say a word but I damn sure am not going to miss the coming show, good job toady,"

"Come on Jakykins let's go find a closet," Kagome teased she loved bugging her green buddy "I'm so horny, I don't know why but I am,"

"Get to work boy hope you can keep up," Inuyasha needled

"I said it before and I will say it again you are the smallest canine in the house," Jaken jabbed

"That's you're claim? Is that so? Well it is your honeymoon night hope you can measure up little man," and that was Inuyasha's kill shot Jakens gulp confirmed it

"Ouch" Sugimi exclaimed

"Come here you little cutie pie," Kagome cooed

"N-no I've got to use the bathroom then have a shower must stay fresh," the kappa tried

"We can share the shower lover I've always wanted to do it in the shower," Kagome taunted

"I smell it he spiked the mikos juice with demon catnip sake and not the regular the extra strength?" Sugimi whispered in Inuyasha's ear

"Ah hah"

"Fabulous this will be epic and quite hilarious," the elder inu replied

"Sweet hah?

"Very" his father responded

"She's been screwing with him for a while now," A streak zipped past the two inus "And here we go," Inuyasha exclaimed

Like a freaking hawk Kagome swooped down on her prey giving it no chance to escape "My baby,"

"Oh let me go," Jaken whined

"No," kiss, kiss "I can't," kiss, kiss "I love you too much," Kiss, kiss, kiss "To do that I'd die without you," Kagome teased and continued kissing his cheeks

"B-but it was a joke,"

"How can you call our love a joke? Come on big boy let's take this to the bedroom I don't like audiences," the miko was worse than her hanyou pal and god knows he was a pranking terror

"Oh my God we've got to get her stoned more often," Inuyasha exclaimed

"I never thought I'd live to see the day when anyone even remotely came close to being as bad as you," Sugimi said "You have corrupted her,"

"Congrats honored sire it came to pass and you are seeing it firsthand" aren't you proud?

"You talking like your brother that's creepy," Sugimi commented

"I am afraid I have to agree with little brother she is delightful when drunk," Sesshoumaru added smiling evilly enjoying his retainers torment

"And you to? Their father said

"Chill pops you'll fret too much and get wrinkles," Inuyasha teased

"I'm immortal ass,"

"Your ass is immortal? Oh wow lucky for you then" he smiled when his father glared "No wrinkles or cellulite wucky dog," he looked at Sesshoumaru "He spiked your juice with demon catnip sake," Inuyasha could have sworn Kirrara kitty snickered from her perch on top of the fridge

"He wanted entertainment and got more than he bargained for some bitches never learn," Kirrara looked down at the dog lord and purred like mad "See even the cat agrees," he over picking her up "Here my girl you shall have the best seat in the house," he added perching her on his shoulder she rubbed her cheek against his

Kagome continued "Aw he is my baby my heart yes he is,"

"Don't forget to use a rubber little buddy," Inuyasha was merciless

Oh but the poor regretting what he'd done to the miko kappa's troubles weren't over nope dear sweet Kaggy wasn't done yet. She said she'd be right back and swiftly returned with something, Jaken's eyes nearly popped out of his head and he immediately began backing away but the miko was too fast. He shrieked squirmed and protested but all attempts to escape proved futile. Despite it all he looked adorable in the pink bikini Kagome had so lovingly dressed him in. To add insult to injury she was gently pinching his cheeks like a child yes this was the end he knew he was going to die he could never face his fellow kappas after this not only that Inuyasha had blackmail material for life the sadistic smirk on the hanyous face confirmed it

"Oops almost forgot the main thing," Kagome said

"Nooooooooo" Jaken shrieked after said miko glued a long down to his butt curly yellow wig on his head this particular glue took a week to wear off

"Hey sexy show us some bootay," Inuyasha was evil yes shoot a man while he was down, Jaken gave him a look "What? I am a demon demons do evil things duh"

"Dirty rotten needs to be put to sleep permanently flea infested mutt,"

"Why thank you," Inuyasha replied

"See even he knows a mutt when he sees one," Kouga needled his hanyou friend

"Come on man give the little dude a break it isn't cool shooting a guy while he's down," Miroku scolded Inuyasha

"Stow it sir gropes-a-lot that's what big bros do to little bros just ask fluffy ," Inuyasha wisecracked

"Listen you haggard all fucked out wench keep it up and I will jack you up so bad you will think you are in an alternate universe" dig? Sesshoumaru shot back

"Say what? Everyone exclaimed

"Hah? What fluffy talks like a street thug since when? Shocked beyond belief Inuyasha said his eyes bugging out of his head

" **I like me some cuchie and I cannot lie you other brothers can't deny when a bodacious booty pops up in your face you get sprung don't mind using my tongue**

 **Lick that sweet apple up and down next I found myself on my back on the ground her sitting on my face baby don't play around**

 **Shit today must be my lucky day ain't no panties in my way I'm gonna be rockin this bitch all night long with my ding dong**

 **I shift to the left then shift it to the right and once I hit the middle it was out of sight damn she's such a tight fit but I can still work it**

 **I started out at six pm and hit that that piece till the break of dawn and you can bet I still ain't finished yet,"**

"That was hittin it by yours truly," Sesshoumaru announced

"What the fuc? Who the hell are you? And where's my brother? Inuyasha asked

"Whoa Sesshy that is so firkin hot," Kagome said

"Somebody crank up the AC," Ayame, Sango, and Kagura added

"Uh oh it's wench mating season and their in heat run for your life big bro," Inuyasha razzed

"Oh yeah the only male who is safe and off of our rape list is Inupapa," Kagome jabbed

Sugimi fell on his ass laughing so hard his eyes were watering "R-rape list,"

"Me too girls" remember I'm gay? Jakotsu chimed in

"Sorry Jaky,"

"R-rape list, oh shit," Inuyasha stammered making his father double up laughing harder

"Ah man up mutt" or are you a girl? Kouga razzed

"Rape me ladies rape me," Miroku played along

Kouga smirked "I'm game you know us wolves all night long and beyond,"

"Wussing out or in your case pussying out" why am I not surprised? Sesshoumaru needled

"Shut uuuuuuuuup," Inuyasha yelled

"Hey? What the hell? Sesshoumaru yelped when someone grabbed his ear pulling him down at the same time forcing him to stay bent over

"Show this bitch you'll be rockin her all night long,"

"What?

"You heard me,"

"Ow mikooooo," he yelped as Kagome pulled him toward a nearby room

"Ha, ha, ha" who's wussing out now? Inuyasha needled "Man up wimpy willy," Sesshoumaru was so going to kill him for that last remark later on if he survived the miko that is

In the back room

"Miko"

"Rape list you top of,"

 **Lemon starts**

"Oomph" he groaned when he was abruptly pushed down on his back "Hey what the? He started "Shit" she was unusually strong "Ah mi-miko" what? She did not even pull his pants off instead savagely opened the zipper just enough took his shaft out roughly sheathing it within her cavern he hissed in pleasure "Oh hell yeah f-fuck me,"

In mere seconds **"Se-sshou-maru"** she released so hard the pressure of her tightening sheath pulled him over the edge with her

He quickly flipped them so he was on top "Now wench I will teach you some manners,"

"Yes t-teach me, harder, just like that deeper, ahhhhh fuc," she was cut off

"Yes I plan to fuck you all of this day and past it you will learn your place. ah," he groaned with a hard thrust

"A-almost too much,"

"That is what, uh, you get when you, uh, rape a dog," he said

"Mooooooooore" she cried out

 **Lemon continues**

"On her rape list, hehehe looks like wenchy is in dog training class with professor Taisho," Inuyasha joked

"Mi lord has taken a mate oh how wonderful after all these centuries," dreamy eyed Jaken said with his clasped together hands held against one cheek

"Look at this you'd think he was the one on his flippin honeymoon here," pointing Inuyasha teased

"Oh the pups will be beauties,"

"Oh that's it dude you are creeping me the hell out," Inuyasha said "Here ya go my boy,"

"Inu baby" What the hell? Jakotsu started to say

Inuyasha held the glass Kagome was drinking from over Jaken's being held open mouth drizzling the remaining juice in when it was gone he held the kappas beak closed, soon Jaken's eyes began spinning around in circles "Ta da welcome to demon catnip sake heaven ya weasel,"

"Weasel, ah yes weasel I am a nau-naughty green weasel," Jaken looked "Oh I think my beak needs polishing,"

"Later on dude for now just chill and enjoy the ride,"

'Wee Jakys flying," Jaken exclaimed

"There ya go little buddy," Inuyasha teased patting him on the head "See told you big bros look out for little bros,"

"A kappa who is drunk on his own concoction," Sugimi commented "Wonderful,"

"I thought it was fair justice," Inuyasha was a proud papa

"Yes and so very priceless,"

"Yo peeps this is a Kodak Moment," Kouga said "He's hilarious"

"Hey wolfy want some? Drinks for everybody" Jaken was a generous drunk

"You know we've got to get him stoned more often he's actually cute and a fun drunk," Kagura added

The following morning

"Hey, where are the humpy twins? Inuyasha asked

"Don't know haven't seen them since Kags started ravaging Sessh "what was it twelve pm yesterday? Kagura said

"Say what? It's already seven am the next day, shit maybe they screwed each other to death" the wiseass hanyou could not resist "That's what nineteen hours? Oh they gotta be dead"

"Inuyasha Taisho," Sugimi growled

"He used my full name shit. Relax pop I'm only yanking everyone's chains,"

"Inuyasha Taisho,"

"Oh no, No, no, no, no, no," the hanyou whimpered

"Does that sound dead to you? Sit boy" BAM

"Damn you wench," the dog eared boy bit "Wait" how the freakin hell did she hear me?

"Let me explain, your brother mowed the lawn and marked the land as his," Sugimi teased

"What? I don't want to know about him combing the bush with his fangs, I just want to know how in the hell she heard me all the way back there"

"Let me explain it in terms you can understand," Miroku offered

"Oh great commentary from the head perv no thanks I'll take a pass," Inuyasha replied

"Oh a pervert I am hah? Okay dog let's do it that way then,"

"Uh oh," Kouga exclaimed

"Lord Sesshoumaru walked his dog log through the black forest entered the cave of delights and marked it as it his property for eternity" want me to draw you a picture? Miroku almost did a happy dance when his friend turned a deathly shade of white

"Nooooooooo, ya sick fuck my brother doing that brother porn is strictly prohibited and a no, no thank God," Inuyasha quickly responded "Oh wait that's how wenchy heard me mate marked transformed inu hearing. Ohhhhh down side I can't get away with anything anymore oh damn,"

"Aw Yashy come here let Kagura kiss it and make it all better,"

"Oh no she's taking over for Kagome, yikes,"

"It's what sisters do for each other," Kagura practically purred

"Eek" was Inuyasha's only response just before he took off running closely followed by Kagura

"Ha, ha, ha one dog down and one more soon to be down," kouga teased

"Well kids since the Taisho terror is obviously going to be busy for quite some time" what's say just once we skip breakfast and have ice cream and treats instead? Sugimi suggested

"Yay" was the reply he received followed by a stampede to the kitchen

"You're the best inupapa on earth," smiling Ayame chimed in

 **5**

 **Puppy bites**

He was cute cuddly light silver gray as regal as Sesshoumaru shiny thick fur soft as silk females loved him and spoiled him rotten he received lot's of love hugs and attention from his adoring female fan club. He was the newest addition to the Taisho house Ichigo an Akita puppy the most adorable fur ball on four lags and Inuyasha's worst nightmare on earth. Yes it all started out innocently enough but then turned into a royal down and dirty no bars held battle and Inuyasha had made up his mind this seemingly innocent looking puppy the bane of his existence had to go

"Drop it your four legged happy meal," Inuyasha barked

"Woof"

"Release my steak or I will eviscerate you" am I understood?

For some weird reason and to Sugimi's dismay Inuyasha was so much like Sesshoumaru it was almost frightening, and Sesshoumaru well that was another story "Yo little bro pull the stick out of your ass let that month old massive fart you've been holding back out and give the pup a break it's share time,"

"Oh that's the proof right there I am in the fucking twilight zone" is it possible they've switched bodies? Sesshoumaru acting and talking like Inuyasha" Sugimi exclaimed

"Nope inupapa you are both seeing and hearing correctly," Kagome said

"And mutt face acting like Sessh damn never thought I'd see something like this," Kouga added

Back with the brothers

"Eloquent as always big brother you have about as much tact as a speeding runaway train with no breaks," Inuyasha shot back

"Yeah and you have about as much personality as a cold limp dead fish,"

"Cretin" was the hanyous reply

"I rest my case toilet face,"

"Ichigo you will return my property to me or die," Inuyasha warned

Ichigo who had polished off the steak while the brothers were bickering and was licking his lips doggy laughed then "Woof"

"Itchy"

"Growl" Ichigo hated that nick name

"Ha, ha dog knows a dick when he sees one, you dick," Sesshoumaru was in wiseass mode

"How intelligent you must have graduated with top honors at JTRU," Inuyasha casually retorted

"What the fuc? What the hell is JTRU?

"Jack The Ripper University genius," Inuyasha was on a roll

"You desperately need some pussay bro and soon,"

"Get a life oh uncouth one," the hanyou answered "Gentleman do not stake and tell,"

"Yeah whatever translation means your stake broke off and ain't working no more ouch no dog log means ya got to sit like a girl in the powder room hah fluffy,"

"I would kill you right now if you did not booooore me so much," he turned his attention back to his pint sized doggy opponent "Itchy, itchy, itchy how's my little itchy? Is itchy feeling twitchy?

"Growl bark growl," the sweet little puppy was in full blind rage murder mode

"Yo lil bro um I'd quit while I could if I was you, but since your brain lives in the basement and you use the poor thing as your ass pillow as usual you won't listen,"

"Silence fool, can you not see I am engaged in battle therefore I have no time for your childish banter?" Inuyasha replied "Daaaaamn you," he shrieked when said puppy bit his ankle

"Didn't I tell ya dumb as?" Sesshoumaru insulted

"Well la de d," Inuyasha started then suddenly fell silent eyes clashed golden with ocean blue the gold widening in horror then it happened "Nooooo, it cannot be," he wailed as he watched the little silver gray fur ball leave a gift in his favorite one hundred dollar pair super comfy shoes his treasure "Why you I, I ought to kill then make stew out of you,"

"Aw chill lil bro it is not every toad that can say he received a gourmet chocolate candy personally delivered to his shoe by the chef himself," oh Sesshoumaru loved this puppy

"Maybe I will take pity on you and acquire one for your shoe as well,"

"No thanks spanky I don't do chocolate just bruises," cracking his knuckles Sesshoumaru answered

Days later

Vicious growls and snarls drew Sugimi's attention "What the hell? He immediately got up out of his comfy reclining chair

Silently heading toward where he heard the sounds coming from the dog general as quietly as a cat sneaking up on a mouse walked across the floor. He paused momentarily when he heard something again it was in the kitchen now silently snuck up to the kitchen door but nothing but was not prepared for what he was about to find. Reaching out with one clawed hand he slowly pushed the door open and his eyes nearly popped out of his head at the sight he was seeing

'I have got to still be asleep sleep walking and dreaming' he thought then closed and rubbed his eyes and opened them again

A hand was placed on one of his shoulders "Awwwww" Kagome whispered in his ear

"Can you believe it? He whispered back

There on the middle of the floor was a lamb leg bone from the roast lamb dinner they'd had the night before with down on all fours Inuyasha on one end and Ichigo on the other having a canine tug of war battling for soul ownership of the treasured prize the most delicious bone on earth. It was hilarious when Inuyasha's top lip went up bearing his fangs at the puppy then the little canine following his lead and doing the same. Blue and gold eyes locked on each other passionately in battle neither intended to yield death before dishonor and defeat. Sugimi swore that if it had been a fellow demon engaged in battle with his son Inuyasha's eyes would have been blood red by now and the enemy slain

"You have got to be kidding me a big strong hanyou like him could easily split that bone in half, you know a fifty, fifty split,"

"Sadly dear miko my son is a greedy and very egotistical dog,"

"Oh now I've got black mail material on mutt face for life," just arriving on the scene Kouga added

"Interesting, step aside peeps big dog coming through,"

"Uh oh Sessh what are? Kagome started then paused

"Papa dog hold this for me please?"

"Um okay," Sugimi replied

Bam "Owwwww," then "Rancid vermin I will gut you like the ranting sow you are and feed your innards to the sewer rats," Inuyasha snapped while trying to take a swipe at his elder sibling

"Ah, yeah fine whatever loser, greedy gluttonous hog big dog share with the little dog. Here ya go pup," Ichigo wagged his tail and barked as he was given the whole bone "He is a growing dog and needs it more then you,"

"Father be warned you are about to become a one son dog," the hanyou said

"I'd shake with fear in my booties if it were a man issuing that threat but since it ain't I won't," Sesshoumaru shot back

This as Sugimi had nick named his eldest was Inumaru because he was the new Inuyasha and he also nick named his youngest Inuyasha was Sesshouyasha he still could not get used to it. If not for being the demon he was he would have believed that the two by magic or science switched bodies. He seriously thought about bonking them over the head but then withdrew from that idea because he figured it would do no good anyway. By all that was unholy how on earth would he ever get through this, he still continued holding his eldest pups pride and joy while watching the fun

"Then begin shaking cretin for I will show no mercy," Inuyasha said in a furious but dignified way

"Yeah keep dreamin Wilhelmina wetness,"

"You took my bone worse of all you gave it to that vile creature it is bigger than him," Inuyasha bit

"Quit whining randy Mandy keep your nickers on we don't want to see your naughty bits," Sesshoumaru's imitation of an English accent was perfect if Sugimi wasn't looking he'd swear a real Englishman was there

"How I despise you," The hanyou seethed he started to dive for his brother so close any second now "Yeeeeeeow," he shrieked

"Why you, you miserable excuse for life,"

"Woof"

"That's it Itchy pup or not now you die and at last I will be free," Inuyasha snapped after being bitten again on his ankle by the ferocious Akita pup "Nooooo" he shrieked when said little dog dove and latched onto his rear swiftly sinking his fangs in at the same time

"Aw, come on Inukins he's teething he can't help it," Kagome needled "Be nice,"

"At a boy look at that grip," Kouga praised "Ah yes it is moments like this that I am exceptionally proud to be a member of the canine species," Inuyasha snarled "Nice fang work little guy," the wolf loved tormenting the hanyou

"Oh how adorable he wants fresh bones," Miroku teased

"Yep the frozen kind just doesn't do it for us nothing like fresh on the hoof bones," Ayame added

"Every one of you will die for adding to this immense indignity suffered by this one," Inuyasha shot back

"Oh stop being such a colossal pussy it is only a couple of puny nips your ass will heal in no time," Sesshoumaru jabbed grinning when his sibling glared. Sugimi had to admit this new Sesshoumaru though strange was a lot of fun "Mister high and mighty his pantyhose are to tighty,"

"Boys" Sugimi called

"Well I have things to do so I will take my leave. Bone appetite Ichigo," Sesshoumaru said and reached out one hand to his father to reclaim his property

"Hey, what the hell is that?" Inuyasha bit

Using one simple name Sesshoumaru spoke "BubeTube,"

Inuyasha's eyes bugged out "Nooooooooo"

"Farewell mutt," and with that final note with his camcorder in hand Sesshoumaru took off at the speed of light

"Nooooooooo" Inuyasha wailed and took off after his brother

"Uh oh BoobTube I smell an online comedy video coming, ah and it smells better than all the money in the world," Miroku teased while taking a deep whiff of air

"Computer, fifty inch TV, BubeTube," Sugimi said

"Right behind you," the others replied following close behind

"Oh my God I am dying this is too funny," Ayame gasped while they watched Sesshoumaru's uploaded video on BubeTube

"Open that door now big brother before I lose it and get serious you cretin," Inuyasha bellowed his voice carrying from the second floor outside of Sesshoumaru's bedroom down to the first floor

"Doesn't he know that it's too late because Sessh already uploaded the vid," Kagura asked

"Nope" the rest of the group replied

"Know what the best part is it's going out around the world," Kouga pointed

"Inuyasha my pet do you have a minute for your poor tired old dog of a father?" Sugimi called

"I'm a little busy right now,"

"But daddy has something for you,"

"After I kill stripes I will be right there just give me a sec," the hanyou answered

"Now it cannot wait,"

"Dammit" Inuyasha bit then stomped down the stairs "Now what exactly do you need?

"Look over there and tell me what you think," Sugimi pointed

"No oh no it isn't true, internet video all around the world, millions of people seeing it, ohhhhhhhhh it's over my life just got flushed down the toilet by one video," the horrified hanyou wailed

"Congrats dog breath you're a star" how's it feel being famous? Kouga needled

"That dirty striped dog," Inuyasha bit

The following morning

Splash "Inuyashaaaaaaa" a female voice bellowed

"Yes, need a big strong man to scrub your back?"

"Get your pervert dog out of here,"

"Itchy a perv I must see this," he said to himself

"Damned lucky dog gets to see all of her lovely womanly assets," Miroku grouched "Why must fate constantly cheat me?

"Shut it perv," Sango said glaring daggers

Inuyasha got up of his chair and immediately headed toward the bathroom "Coming in," he announced and opened the door "Now what has itchy don? He started then paused when he saw the scene Ichigo was on his back with all fours straight up in the tub floating on Kagome's bath water and looking at her with big innocent puppy dog eyes 'Con artist' he thought

"Oh it's alright" how can I stay mad at you? You are just too damned cute" the miko cooed stroking his belly he whimpered

"What gives you scream for me to come and get my perverted dog as you call him now he is too cute to be mad at?"

"Well II got in for my bath and the second I sat down he dove in," she explained

"Maybe he wants swimming lessons and that is his way of asking,"

"Very funny hardy har, har," she shot back "Look at the little ham I think he already knows how to swim,"

Inuyasha grinned madly "Well you two have a nice swim I have things to attend to," then he left closing the door behind him

Inuyasha was happy over the next few days Ichigo was busy elsewhere to occupied to bug him, it seemed ever since they shared a bath everywhere Kagome went Ichigo was there

"Kaggy you've been adopted dog mommy,"

"Woof"

"So how would you like to start one two three or maybe a litter? Sesshoumaru started

"A litter whaaaaaaat? The horrified females shrieked

"Fear not my lovelies dogs love to share,"

"Say what, since when is stripes in letch mode? Inuyasha said to his father

"Oh since he decided he wanted a good trouncing by our female group members,"

"Lovely this one cannot believe his eyes or ears," Inuyasha replied

"Sesshoumaru Taisho I am going to slice you into sashimi," furious Ayame snapped

"As for me I'm simply going to scalp him and make myself a wig out of his pretty hair," Kagura added

"I get the claws," Sango called dibs

"I get the, never mind," Kagome started then stopped

"Come on Kaggy pick a part we'll share," Sango coaxed "God knows there's plenty to go round,"

"Hey girls he's getting away," Kagura called out when she caught Sesshoumaru sneaking away

"Five four three two on," Sugimi started and stopped when the females went into hunting mode "And their off,"

"Some dogs will do anything for attention," Miroku exclaimed winking pervertedly

"Wonderful you've not only sullied my brother you have corrupted him as well," Inuyasha scolded

"Come on Ichi let's go get a samich," Kagome teased her pint sized body guard while picking him up he woofed in agreement "Some beef maybe?" he licked her cheek "Beef it is then," she headed to the kitchen

"Looks as though he's abandoned you," Sugimi teased Inuyasha

"Do not be fooled this one is very thankful for it,"

"You talking like that gives me the happy horrors," the elder dog pointed out

"I have finally adopted refined and calmer ways why one would think it a change that you'd be proud of,"

"Oh forget it I give up," throwing his hands up in surrender Sugimi exclaimed

"Wise choice sire," his father cringed

"He's right mutt you are creepy," Kouga added and internally cringed himself

That night

"Hey what the hell Ichi?" Kagome exclaimed when she felt another being enter the shower with her and looked "You want a shower too?

"Woof" he sat there looking up at her innocently

"Okay fine by me hope ya like lilac body wash," he woofed wagging his tail "Get ready big boy it's scrubbing time," he whimpered then panted "You little ham I am going to wind up spoiling you rotten,"

Ichigo was in heaven while Kagome gently worked the lovely scented soap into his fur her fingers massaging his small body felt wonderful she wasn't a canine but by God she made an excellent mother. He whimpered in sheer bliss if this was doggie heaven he never wanted to leave. She giggled when he licked her toes his way of saying thank you getting something he loved scratched behind his ears

"Okay my boy you're all done my turn,"

Ichigo marveled at the female human form those two round things on her chest female dogs had eight little ones but humans only had two and they were bigger. Then there was that curious patch of black fur as he thought of it that fascinated him so much humans had fur it the strangest places while canines had fur all over. But that was not all then there were the two mysterious round things behind the fur patch ah yes she sat on those. The fur on her head he found quite lovely as well long black curly and covered the round things she sat on that was his favorite fur in the world he snuggled in it and it always smelled so good

"Yelp"

"Relax it's only me," Kagome said after hearing him yelp from being suddenly picked up, he had been so lost in his musings that he had lost all sense of reality

'Oh this towel is so nice so soft and warm' he thought while being dried off 'Yes I am going to be as humans call it bathing often' he felt like a dog of luxury "Woof pant, pant,"

"Yes your welcome I love you two," Kagome responded kissing him on the top of his head

'Oh and she loves me to she is my favorite human"

3 Hours later

Ichigo decided to go exploring though he was already very well acquainted with his new home he still loved and never got tired of exploration. Sniffing as he wandered he walked down a hall and came to a stop outside of a certain room the door was open so he slipped in. One of his owners was grooming himself he had just had a nice bath too and was wearing only a towel around his waist he also smelled of sandalwood Ichigo liked that scent. How could he deal with such long fur? And a boy dog too. The male greeted him warmly then pet him on the head he liked this big dog. The inu removed the towel from around his waist dropping it on his bed getting ready to get dressed then suddenly

"Yipe, yipe, yipe," Ichigo took off like someone stabbed him in the butt with a hot fork

"Ichi what's wrong? Kagome called out

"My baby mamas coming," Sango responded

"Hold on my pup I'll be there soon," Ayame chimed in

"On the way sweetheart," Kagura added all four females rushing to their shared four legged baby

"Oh why couldn't I be that dog he gets all the ladies, and he doesn't even know what to do with girls yet," Miroku wailed

"But then he's not a perv either," Sango yelled back

"Aw my baby," Kagome who had gotten to Ichi first cooed while cuddling his shivering form he buried his nose in her neck hiding under her hair "What happened? Did you see a rat that happened to be bigger than you? She teased

"Whine, whine,"

"Sniff hey Kaggy he was in Sesshoumaru's room," Ayame said

"Fluffys room? It can't be that Sesshoumaru likes dogs and he himself is of the canine species, hm" wonder what happened though? Well no other way but to ask" she turned to head to Sesshoumaru's room Ichigo leapt diving to Sango who quickly caught him "Hey?

"Well welcome to my dog den won't you come on in," Sesshoumaru teased "So what's your pleasure can I hook ya up with some reefer? Demon sake perhaps? What can I do you for?

"Ichi was up here and came running back like a bat out of hell,"

"Oh yeah lil bro came exploring," Sesshoumaru told her everything

Thump "Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha oh my gods that is priceless," the laughing miko exclaimed after falling on her butt

"What's going on? Inuyasha asked the others soon arrived on the scene

"I-Ichi came exploring Sessh was getting dressed and he-he," she couldn't finish

"Poor little fella saw Sesshoumaru's anaconda no wonder he's traumatized," Inuyasha chimed in

"Th-that's it," the miko panted

"Yeah well if he ever get's a gander of dear daddies dog log poor thing might keel over dead from shock," Sesshoumaru wisecracked

"Growl"

"Can it dad ya know it's true," Sesshoumaru responded to his growling father "Potential puppy killer,"

"Can it pup or maybe I will slice yours off make pork sushi out of it and sell it bet I'd make a bundle,"

"Keep dreaming cuz nope never ever is that going to happen," Sesshoumaru retorted

"He must have thought it was going to eat him," Kouga teased

Sesshoumaru spotted the shivering fur ball hiding inside Sango's shirt with a claw on his lip he motioned Sango not to remain silent and reached for the pup in a flash he scooped Ichigo and had him held up locked eye to eye. The still fearful pup was still balled up hind legs folded up with his cute little tail tucked tightly between his legs. He whimpered pitifully under other circumstances this would be a heartbreaking scene but Sesshoumaru knew what had to be done it was a dog to dog thing and had to be settled as such. After successfully communicating to the little pup that it was no threat and would not harm him Ichigo calmed down and barked his thanks

A week later

Ichigo and Kagome had a routine when she bathed he bathed despite her many attempts to dissuade him from doing so the tenacious little pup was not having it so Kagome had no choice but to resign herself to the fact that he was her new bath buddy. This time she opted for a bath she wanted to soak after the intense training sessions in the dojo with Sesshoumaru she needed this treat. This time it was lilac rose scented bath soap Ichigo was once again in heaven he'd smell good to when he got a little older maybe girl dogs would notice and like it to

After taking a whiff "Hey, Ichi why do you smell like? Oh never mind" after a quizzical look at his human he settled down for a relaxing soak

With Ichigo perched on her lap and her back against the back of the tub with the face cloth draped over her closed eyes the completely relaxed miko dozed off. Ichigo was having his own blissful nap ah this was the life a loving human plus the other loving beings in his home heavenly baths and great food what more could a dog want?

"What the hell? Let go before I kill you" the miko in her fury bit "Whet the hell are you do? Ah" who the hel? Oh gods what am I doing? I don't even know who" the stranger who held her in place on his lap in the tub kept relentlessly pounded up into her

Elsewhere

"Itchy, if you're here then who's in there?

"Woof"

"Ohhhhh, oh shit" father, father dearest come here please? Oh he was so going to enjoy this, Sugimi came

"Yes?

"Itchy's here" So who's in there?

"Uh oh," Sugimi exclaimed

"Exactly" the smirking hanyou replied

"So he has been turning himself into Ichigo to bathe with Kagome and leaving the real Ichigo in the den, explains why the dog suddenly had so many new toys and treats,"

"Yep but this time sparky didn't close the door all the way and Itchy got out," Inuyasha pointed out

"Genius pure genius the man is a genius," Miroku praised

"Well she hasn't purified him yet so he must be doing a good job," Inuyasha teased

"Well girls looks like Sesshy's getting hitched," smiling like a kid at Christmas Kagura said

"Well Ichi looks like your human is getting a mate," Ayame told the little dog he barked wagging his tail "He approves,"

With Sesshoumaru and Kagome

 **Lemon**

"Who? Ah" wh-who the hell are you? The miko panted nothing an arm moved and she saw the Id stripes "Se-Sesshoumaru, but it was Ichi, oh wait no wonder I smelled sandalwood it was you"

"Uh" he thrust hard "Mate now talk later," he drove into her like a drill

"Oh yes," she moaned when his large hands took hold of and cupped her bosoms gently kneading them while his lips explored her neck. She tilted her head back and that is when he took the opportunity to steal his first kiss "Mmmmmmmmmm" she was near "Ow" she yelped when fangs pierced her neck while both released she suddenly felt strange

"Now you must mark me," he instructed "Them we'll be mates, if you want to," without hesitation or words she bit deep intensifying their still continuing climaxes his blood was intoxicating "How long I've wanted to feel you doing that," he groaned

 **Lemon continues**

Downstairs

After hours had passed "Brother nice to see you again," Inuyasha greeted "Sister in-law this one is pleased to have you as a member of his pack,"

"Thanks bro," Sesshoumaru answered "Yo pop greetings from the honeymoon den,"

"That's it I cannot sleep at night this shit is too creepy," Sugimi exclaimed

"OW" two yelps were heard

"Why you miserable geezer I ought to friggin gut you" what the hell did ya do that for anyway? I didn't do nothin"

"I will see you die this night you cretin rancid vermin" must you bang our heads together without reason? Sesshoumaru snapped

"Eww get off," Inuyasha protested when their father hugged and kissed them both on their heads

"My boys are back," still hugging them Sugimi exclaimed

"What are you talking about ya loony old geezer we've been here the whole time you giant nut bag?" Inuyasha replied

"I beg to difer boys, you have been talking and acting like Sesshoumaru and he you I haven't slept soundly in weeks because you two had me creeped out so bad," Sugimi responded

"More like ya looked in the mirror for the first time and reality hit giving you the happy horrors," Inuyasha shot back

"Oh sweet music to my pointed ears. If I had known that's all it took I'd have banged your heads together weeks ago,"

"Well la de da it's bad enough we tripped and our heads banged into one another over three weeks ago now you gotta make us relive the shit," the hanyou bit "I outta rip your friggin head off,"

"I say we eviscerate him stuff him with cotton and put him on display," Sesshoumaru added

"So you will rip my friggin head off? And you will eviscerate me," Sugimi said imitating his sons oh this is the happiest day of my life if I weren't a demon I'd get down on my knees and thank Kami for this wonderful miracle,"

"Sessh I-I'm scared I think he's finally lost it,"

"Agreed"

'Oh and eldest nice trick turning into Ichigo to bathe with the miko every day," Sugimi reminded then turned to Inuyasha "And you youngest down on the floor on all fours playing tug of war with a puppy over a leg of lamb bone," all while smiling sadistically

"I gotta go do some things later," the suddenly retreating hanyou announced

"Um, and I have to check the miko to make sure she is unharmed," swiftly disappearing with Kagome over his shoulder Sesshoumaru added "Oh and FYI the first time in the shower was the real Ichigo the rest was me," he called back

After both were gone "Ah yes things are just as they should be wild fowl mouthed Inuyasha and calm cool kill you in a second fluffy," Sugimi said "I shall sleep like a baby tonight,"


End file.
